Liliana Garcia
“Hayate! Ichi! Hurry up! We’re going to be late to school,” screamed Chibi. Hayate, Ichigo, and Chibi were the best of friends that would always stick together. “You don’t want to be late again do you?” she said with that tone where she knew that the three of them were probably going to get in trouble.
“Calm down Chibi,” said Hayate with a yawn, “we won’t be late.” Hayate was running towards the tow girls when they arrived.
“See! We told you Chibi!” said Ichigo with a grin. They ran into class and sat down.
“Hey, guys? You know what’s coming up right,” asked Chibi, “you wouldn’t forget… Would you?” Hayate and Ichigo looked at her with mischievous smiles.
“Of course not Chibi,” the two said in unison, “it’s your birthday! How could we forget that?”Chibi stared at them and smiled.
“I’m glad you guys didn’t,” said Chibi, giggling along with her two friends.
After a few days, Ichigo and Hayate decided to plan a surprise party for Chibi. The party was two weeks from then, so they had a while to prepare.
“There should be lots of pink,” announced Ichigo, “she’s a girly-girl so she must like pink!”
“No! No! Chibi would like purple,” argued Hayate, “she’s not that much of a girl.” They feuded amongst themselves for a while, and then settled on red. Before they knew it, they had a list of things they wanted to buy. The only problem was… would she like it? They spent up a lot of time thinking if they should, and then the day was suddenly upon them.
They were at Ichigo’s house to talk about what would happen. Then they realized what time it was.
“Oh gosh. Look how late it is already. We’re just lucky that she has soccer practice,” muttered Hayate. Ichigo let out a groan and flopped onto her the bed. She sighed and sat up. She made a face that indicated that she was thinking hard.
“She won’t like it,” moaned Ichigo. She was frowning at Hayate complaining.
“Well, I guess we just have to see her reaction,” said Hayate. They put up the decorations and waited with all of the lights off. They were sweating a lot, and then the door opened.
“SURPRISE!!!” screamed Hayate. “Ah. Um surprise.” Everyone was laughing and so was Chibi.
“Wow guys! This is so cool! I love red!” said Chibi. Hayate and Ichigo sighed with relief and hugged Chibi. They had a great time and were really happy that day.
Good job ! I loved how you didnt go right into the story. You mentioned them going to school first. I also liked how much dialouge you used in the story and writing to get the story moving with a flow instead of it being boring. The story was very good.
ReplyDeleteGood Job! I really liked this story. I liked how you used enough dialouge and made the story understandable for the reader. This was an entertaining story and very fun to read. In the story, you explained what was going on well and did not go off topic. It was not boring at all which will make the reader want to read the story more.
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